Since that time, I have told myself I will count the cost too. When I would get scared at this thought, I would simply think to myself, "I don't have to deal with that yet, and when I do, God will give me the grace." If I may be completely honest for a moment, I can no longer tell myself that. The time to go (both short-term and long-term) is getting closer. The fear of missions sometimes strikes me in new ways, and I am scared to death about counting the cost. I wonder why I can't have the missionary gusto of people like Amy Carmichael, or many other missionaries I know who, although had many struggles, seemed so bold and fearless in the process. I don't have any profound answers to this, all I know is that the fear I am facing is real. When I think about moving overseas, I'm terrified of being away from my family and so many of the securities I have.
However, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God will give me grace. I have wrongly taken this God-given grace, however, to mean that the pain of missing family and counting the cost goes away. Although I am a novice at all of this, I no longer believe the pain will go away. The pain will be there, but God will also be there. Always. In the midst of my fear, I stand on the promises of God, knowing He does all things for the good of His name, Kingdom. and children.
So, maybe this post was to ask for prayer. Maybe it was to get feedback and see what other people think about this topic. Maybe it was to finally be transparent about the fact that while I am extremely excited about missions, there are times where I am scared too, but I dare not mention to that people. Oops, I just did. I'm going to post a song that has been incredibly encouraging to me during this time. Hope it encourages you to share the Gospel, knowing the Lord guides your path, protects you, and empowers you to do all He has called you to do. Oh yeah, and Psalm 32. That's all.
I needed to read this! Thank you for being transparent!
ReplyDelete"Do not fear, only believe" Pray this is an encouragement to you as it was to me...stick with it to the end! http://www.biblebb.com/files/spurgeon/1533.htm
ReplyDeleteThank you for your transparency and honesty!! May the grace of Christ and the power of the Spirit living in you give you courage and strength to face whatever situations He places you in! So excited to see how the Lord refines you and uses you for His glory through all of this!